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Graffiti foils Bagrut-cheating plot
by Barry Silverberg


students pass gas but nix exams!!!

Tel Aviv, Moed Horef, 2010: AS MANY AS SEVENTY - FIVE twelfth graders had their Bagrut grades annulled in a shocking story involving fraud, conspiracy and bathroom graffiti. The pupils, all from prestigious schools, were apprehended soon after handing in their Winter English Bagrut exams. Ed Minister Gidon Sars: "Punitive action will be taken."

THURSDAY, JAN 28, 2010: Several students sitting for their exam at different Tel Aviv schools requested to use the facilities mid exam. One principal, with a nose for trouble, smelled something funny going on. He ordered the proctors to refuse the requests, whereupon the students began to hold their stomachs and make rude noises. Overcome, the proctors relented. The students galloped meanwhile ran to the bathroom, where they started copying off the walls the answers planted there earlier by the Dovrei Anglit. At least, they thought they were copying answers. In a lightning operation , members of a newly formed Dept of Education SWEAT team had managed to erase the answers and scrawl "Answers to Module E, F, G'" over the random graffiti found in any school bathroom.

The results came fast and clear. The main unseen passage on E exam, for example, dealt with effects of alcohol consumption on safe driving. To the question, "Who is most likely to suffer from road accidents," Several students wrote "Beitar Jerusalem! Oleh Oleh!" . Others wrote, "Yossi Cohen, Teh K*I*N*G*" , "Yehuda Levi, I want your baby," and one wrote, " My *** bring all the grils to the yard."

Another question asked for a phrase from the text illustrating the authors opinion, and most of the students wrote, "Scool Sux." As for compositions, students simply photographed whole selections of the wall, and transposed them onto the exam papers. Thus, instead of writing a letter telling your friend about volunteering they offered up prose about how the Arabs/ Haredim/ Leftists / Settlers should be exterminated; others wrote about the amorous exploits of somebody named Yhoram, and one dealt with the agony of constipation. ("Here I sit, broken hearted, I paid my shekel…… " )

A careful checking of the answer key by the Inspector for Exams showed that none of these answers was acceptable. Furthermore, the compositions were entirely off topic and received '0 ' for content. Some of them, however, did score points in the categories of punctuation, texture and aroma.

To be continued!

Barry 'The Marker' Silverberg, wearing a pink slip and a disc on key around my neck. You can't miss me!

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