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Definitions
  • A behaviorist is someone who pulls habits out of rats.
    - Anonymous

  • A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward.
    - Anonymous

  • A city is a large community where people are lonesome together.
    - Herbert Prochnow

  • A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
    - Mark Twain (1835-1910)

  • A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.
    - Fred Allen (1894-1956)

  • A conservative is a man who believes that nothing should be done for the first time.
    - Alfred E. Wiggam

  • A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned how to walk forward.
    - Franklin Delano Roosevelt

  • A conservative is one who admires radicals centuries after they're dead.
    - Leo Rosten

  • A critic is a legless man who teaches running.
    - Anonymous

  • A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.
    - Winston Churchill, Sir (1874-1965)

  • A kiss is a rosy dot over the 'i' of loving.
    - Cyrano De Bergerac

  • A kiss: To a young girl, faith; to a married woman, hope; to an old maid, charity.
    - V. P. Skipper

  • A musicologist is a man who can read music but can't hear it.
    - Thomas Beecham, Sir

  • A pessimist is someone who has had to listen to too many optimists.
    - Anonymous

  • A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground.
    - Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)

  • A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
    - Anonymous

  • A satirist is a man who discovers unpleasant things about himself and then says them about other people.
    - Peter McArthur

  • A science is any discipline in which the fool of this generation can go beyond the point reached by the genius of the last generation.
    - Max Gluckman Academy: A modern school where football is taught. Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) - The Devil's Dictionary, 1911

  • Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.
    - Erica Jong

  • An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
    - Laurence J. Peter

  • An egotist is a person of low taste--more interested in himself than in me.
    - Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) - The Devil's Dictionary, 1911

  • An executive is a person who always decides; sometimes he decides correctly, but he always decides.
    - John H. Patterson

  • An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less.
    - Nicholas Murray Butler

  • An honest politician is one who when he is bought will stay bought.
    - Simon Cameron

  • An optimist is a guy that has never had much experience.
    - Donald R. Perry Marquis

  • ARDOR, n. The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge.
    - Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) - The Devil's Dictionary, 1911

  • Belladonna: In Italian, a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison.
    - Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) - The Devil's Dictionary, 1911

  • Big egos are big shields for lots of empty space.
    Diana Black

  • Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.
    - Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) - The Devil's Dictionary, 1911

  • Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
    - Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) - The Devil's Dictionary, 1911

  • Childhood: The period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth -- two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age.
    - Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) - The Devil's Dictionary, 1911

  • Computer : a million morons working at the speed of light.
    - David Ferrier

  • Conscience is the inner voice which warns us that someone may be looking.
    - Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)

  • Death: to stop sinning suddenly.
    - Anonymous

  • Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.
    - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

  • Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get the blame.
    - Laurence J. Peter

  • Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.
    - Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)



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